just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
