All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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