I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
