okay pat passed out under dana's car
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
