I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
