theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
