Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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