Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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