so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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