This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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