her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize