So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
