I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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