you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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