I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
