You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
