I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
