I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
