from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
