for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
