im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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