yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
