i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
