I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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