I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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