she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
