I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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