then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
