Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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