I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
