So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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