The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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