it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
