So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
