My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
