she woke up with a sticky ear
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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