sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
