so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize