just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
