Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
