Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
