please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
false alarm. still invincible.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
