woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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