i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
