why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
