I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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