I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
