we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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