Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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