dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
