He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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