how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
