Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
