WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Randomize
