i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
