im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
