I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
