for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
