I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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