just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
