i barfeds in our rink
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize