not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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