It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
