I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
