Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
