at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
