Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
