Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
