I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
